I do not understand it very much. Why is there so much commotion every where around ? It is really not like any one is dead, or some accident has occurred. Then why is every one moving so randomly ? There are specific lanes and roads for each of them to traverse, and that too with comfort and peace. I have seen them already having driven like this.
These ghosts of my thoughts were under my control for long. I had trained them to order my commands. They thought themselves to be invincible but I put them behind the bars, tightened them with chains and put them in a place where no light or imagination could enter.
I thought, I thought I will be strong forever like this and I would never need to look at the lock I had put. In fact I made this a mandate for me to never look back at the lock, because that would remind me of what's in behind it. I, but forgot that even iron gets rust on it with time, and weakens its strength, if not looked into regularly.
I was sensing its pressure from behind for quite sometime now. Still I did not look back. Then I saw my pillar of bars burst open one day. The ghosts set themselves free. They again hovered over me. They are making noises which are not pleasant to my ears. Their sight is deadly and inhuman. I wonder how they were created ever by God. They seem to be much bigger than last time I saw them. I wonder who fed them inside those dark cages. They are even hungrier than I thought I was. And strangely, they are not ready to eat me up, but are acting like kids, in front of their mommy.
No I was never their guardian! NO! I can never be the guardian of those ghosts. These ominous creatures, these dark, shoddy, creepy ghosts, spreading sadness, disappointment, pain and yearning everywhere; they could never have found a safe refuge under me. Never! I am a source of peace. A bringer of goodness and justice to all my mates, I could never like these things, forget about even having an acquaintance with them. I have brought happiness in people's lives, have seen smiles reappearing on their faces, have seen the wounds of the friends heal. No, I can never guard them. I hate them. I have suffered a lot because of them. I don't want those ghosts in my life. But now I see them again. My lock is broken out of rust and pressure from inside the prison. I am again helpless. These big ghosts are bigger than me myself. So big that if even one of them sits on me, I don't think I will be visible to anyone in the world now. Why God Why ? It's not good.
I wonder who fed them inside those dark cages.Was it me ? No one else could see them I am sure, because there was dark all around. Was it me who, passed on food secretly into their room, while keeping my eyes turned away? Was it me who, while looking at other's lives, compared their ghosts with mine own; whom I thought belonged to my past but in fact were always pushed to present by me, by comparing and giving them accolades for being better than other people's ghosts ? Did my mind really tie them ?
I can not put them behind the bars again now. They have proven me wrong in this strategy. In fact I myself feed them when they are put under control. These ghosts, I see, they are my children only. They can not eat me. But I can not feed them either.
I need to think of a way. I need to find out a solution. Under this huge commotion, I can not sort out a plan clearly. I need isolation. I need to stop listening to their voices and hunger.
I need just two minutes of silence.
