Every night before getting lost in her dreamy world she thought
of all those moments which once gave her strength to face world and at the same
made her weak in front of him. Weak, because she never wanted him to go away
from her. Possibly she was being selfish but she rather named it ‘love’. Love
that made her do the craziest things, travel distances in chilly winter
evenings just to see him for a few minutes, to sit next to him, to hear him say
her name, to feel pretty, to share her stories, to feel his warmth, to click
secret pictures, for that one parting shy hug which meant the world to her. All
she has with her are memories. Certainly they don’t haunt her but makes her
want to relive those moments forever and ever…but iisshhh reality bites she knows
it can never happen again…‘Hum donno ki
hai apni - apni lachaariyan…’
She is not in this mood for long though…rather a bit
confused always, well that’s how she is, complicated. She feels going away from
him wasn’t that bad also. It made her see some very important aspects to whom
she was probably blind earlier. She realized her self worth, she became more
accommodative, much more independent, trust worthy of people, firm believer in
the fact that magic is yet to happen, and most important there are different
but good people around– ‘Khud hi dhoond le ge kinaare…’
And she watched ‘love actually’ the very next day which
again kept her thinking – was she in love ever? If No then that’s how it was
supposed to be if Yes, did she try enough to be with him because if it was love
they both would be watching some tale together sitting next to each other but
well no that’s now never going to happen. Too many things buzzing in her head
she decides to rest them all. A stamp to a relationship would have been great but
no stamp no seeing each other no sharing lives does not mean it wasn’t love.
There is love and that’s why she hopes to see him some day somewhere, bump into
him and just look into his eyes. ‘God
only knows what I’d be without you’
And today she woke up with a heavy heart...sigh! She dreamt
of him…wondered why she could not control her dreams. Somewhere she liked it
too, as he was wearing a bright colour t-shirt which she always insisted him to wear. He looked nice with that two weeks old beard, while she adored him in her dream he smiled looking at her, they
both gazed at each other and ran somewhere unknown. That’s all she could remember when she
opened her eyes in the morning. She dreamt of him, when he is no where close, when
he is with someone for a life time, snuggling her, comforting her, loving her,
showing her to the world, posting mushy pictures and probably seeing dreams
with her which he once saw with her.
Why the hell she still dreamt of him she kept asking herself
but did not get any answer to shut herself up! ‘Chhokar mere mann ko kiya tune kya ishara’
